2014년 11월 28일 금요일

peer review2 20707

5 points



  • Technically perfect


  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Thought provoking and captivating
  • Clearly the product of extensive drafting and research

4 points
  • Technically perfect
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Clearly the product of thorough drafting and research
3 points
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Some evidence of drafting and research

2 points
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
0 points
  • Incomplete or inadequate
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4 because her essay displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
i can't really understand the confirmation

Thesis
What is the thesis?
animal testing should be stopped

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
yes
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
animal testing should be continued

Any other thoughts?
she chose very interesting topic

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
yes

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
yes

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
yes

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
yes

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
.yes

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
yes
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
yes

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
i agree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
yes

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
no

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
i think her opinion should be more added and that will guarantee her higer grade.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
yes definetely

Is the research from appropriate sources?
yes
Are the sources obvious?
yes
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
yes

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
no they're alright

peer review1 20706

5 points

  • Technically perfect




  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Thought provoking and captivating
  • Clearly the product of extensive drafting and research

4 points
  • Technically perfect
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Clearly the product of thorough drafting and research
3 points
  • Follows the classical argument
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
  • Some evidence of drafting and research

2 points
  • Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic
0 points
  • Incomplete or inadequate
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4grades. it followed the form of classical argument well and the the topic is quite unigue
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
The ideas are not actually really quoted.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Civic Participation in Criminal Trials should exist.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
yes

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Clivic Participation in Criminal Trials should not exist

Any other thoughts?
No she did well
Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
It was actually hard to separate the whole essay into 5parts but i could see what she was trying to say

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
YEs, she defined the two main trials that are actually used.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
yesDoes the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

yesDoes the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
yes
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
yes
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
yes
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
.yes

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
yes

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
no i didn't changed my mind.How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
she was really good at giving her final thoughts with confirmation

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
yes
Are the sources obvious?
yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
yes

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
.yes

2014년 11월 16일 일요일

Second Draft


Every human has risk taking behavior, but not on the external factors but it is innate.


 
If we are to learn something, we have to take risks. If we want something, we have to take risks. There would have been no USA today if nobody had dared to venture out and thus discovered the new world. There would not be Space-shuttles or Airbus-380 if everybody had played it safe on the ground. We would not have any friends if we had not taken the risks of reaching out to other people and maybe have got rejected in return. Because of these reasons, it is easy to think because we are risk taker, we got many things. However did you know that we are naturally born to be a risk taker? We are not taking risks again and again because we know the incentives that comes along with taking risks. We are just born to take risks.
--



Everyday we take risks. Risk is, by nature, a scary thing. We can't predict the results and most of the times is is uncertain. There are possibility to lose something that you think most preciously. You risk criticism and humiliation. You're giving up what you know for what might be. The rewards can be great, but so can the cost. But when we are to choose whether to take risks, we usually take them. It is becuase we get many benefits from it. However there are something bigger than that why we take risks. So to speak, we are born to take risks. Many studies have suggested that every human are risk takers by nature. The study got through an experiment and found out that when we get rewarded for a risk taking behavior, endorphin which is a kind of hormone secreting in our brain so that we are more obsessed to repeat such actions. Also the genetic makeup works in this place that it is likely that the son of the risk taker take another risk. And the mind offers an equally compelling reason why people do risk things. Also socialist, Sigmund Freud, insisted that it is important to note that we cannot reasonably divide the population into risk takers and risk avoiders. All people will both seek risk and avoid risk at different points in their lives. But one thing we need to consider is we must be risk takers. Sociologists and other experts believe that these very basic personality types evolved eons.
If people ignore my opinion then they will finish their lifes without recognizing every their risk taking behavior is out of by nature, and think they have lived their life meaningless  and keep looking at those risk taker as a strange or surprising aboriginal thing, then, even though we have much more space to evolve and make a wonderful history, we will remain still leaving our wonderful characteristic unnecessary thing.
 --

 
Endorphin gives us a strong reason why risk taking behavior is innate. Endorphin is what the brain releases in response to imminent physical danger. One neurobiologist, Candace Pert, discovered that endorphins enable us to balance the rush of adrenaline that flows into our bloodstreams during dangerous moments with cool, calm thinking and an ability to give undivided attention to crucial matters despite the surrounding chaos. Also Pert believes that greater sensitivity to endorphins gave certain early humans a survival advantage, and this made sure the succedding of the genes to the other generation.
Early human risk takers were probably more likely to wander off established trails, possibly finding a new source of water or game. Such individuals might also have risked being seen as different in order to invent a new kind of weapon or animal trap, or to try eating a new plant or other potential food item. These acts would have triggered a pleasurable excitement in the risk taker, but might also have profoundly benefited his or her group.
 
Because of the ancestor's genes have succeeded to our generation, in this modern life, we are taking a lot of risks that are adapted to our situation and also the desire for such action still runs strong in our genetic makeup. Also the convincing reason of the continuation of the genetic characteristics is that the positive reinforcement is given to risk taker. This trait is strengthened by the societies.
 
There are many who still believes risk taking is unique trait only a minority of people share. However, as the evidence tells us, risk taking trait is not what our generation has made or created but it is succeeded to our society without discontinuance. We are mentally and psychologically born as a risk taker by our ancestors and perhaps we are physically made to take risk. Thus every human is a risk taker by nature.

----

There are plenty of people who deny my opinion since mine is not popular one though correct. Those people who refute my opinion take examples such as 'Dr. Martin Lalumière', 'teens taking risks', which are incorrect. Dr. Martin Lalumière insists that social constructions(external factors) such as systemic inequality and competitive disadvantage facilitate risk taking which can be thought as making my opinion weaker. However, Sigmund Freud's said, risk taking is human's innate personality. The thing that we are innate risk takers is not changing. Maybe, because we are risk taker we can step even further step to the equality.
Also, people on the opposite side of me uses example about teens who are taking more extreme risks even frequently based on the environmental surroundings such as peer pressure and other's eye to refute my opinion. However, teens can't be considered in the category of the adults since the pre-frontal cortex develops later than the amygdala. As teens want to experience new things, the under developed brain, pre-frontal cortex, has trouble controlling their impulse to take risks lacking the understanding the consequences of their actions. Teens rather respond on impulse than considering the ultimate consequences of their decision. If they grow big enough to think as much as adults do with conscious
---

When living our lives, sometimes, we may be shy to do something extreme or maybe the eyes of the other people would look you as a strange person so that you can't take a further step to advance that involves risk taking. However, don't forget to know that every people do have risk taking behaviors. Maybe there might be no other common thing than this in the world. The chemical thing called Endorphin supports strongly that we are a risk taker. Also this kind of trait was shown on our ancestors too. We are now in the middle of risk taking. And It is not what you can and cannot do. You are born to be a risk taker because every little thing contains risks. Think about it. If there were no risk taking behaviors then how could we be born in this world, what if our mom and dad did not determine to marry which is part of taking risk. We are now making our own world because of the trait that every human being shares, risk taking.
 
references
 

Research7


Source:
http://www.businessinsider.com/psychological-reasons-people-take-risks-2014-8

My Topic:
Every human has risk taking behavior, but not on the external factors but it is innate.

What I hope to learn from this source:
I want to know the specific things about people taking risks

Notes:
  1. Kellogg management professor Camelia M. Kuhnen has found that a gene called DRD4 — which regulates hormone levels in the reward center of your brain — predicts whether you're likely to become a pathological gambler or a risk-loving stock market trader. 
  2. People who like to stay up late do riskier things. 
  3. If you're used to taking risks, you'll keep taking risks. 
  4. Happier people take more risks. 
Final Thoughts:
I think there are many reasons why people take risks but i concluded that the main thing is that we are naturally risk takers but sometimes determined differently by other environmental factors. I think this source helped me a lot confirming my topic.

2014년 11월 9일 일요일

Research 6

Research Example:
Source:
http://www.uleth.ca/unews/article/understanding-reasons-behind-risk-taking#.VGjxDhEk2cw
Understanding reasons behind risk taking
 
My Topic:
Every human has risk taking behavior, but not on the external factors but it is innate.

What I hope to learn from this source:
I wanted to know why people who think the opposite of me. And by this thinking more about this idea, I could make confirm with my topic rather than only nodding to their thoughts. 
Notes:
  1. risk taking and crime was done by the social and environmental factors that increase or decrease these behaviours.
  2. While there is a large body of evidence that has linked inequality with any number of society's ills, there has never been a causal analysis of the relationship – until now.
  3. "All of the evidence suggests that systemic inequality and competitive disadvantage facilitate risk taking, of which criminal activity is an extreme form," says Mishra
Final Thoughts:
I found that people take risks because of the environmetal backgrounds but i was able to refute their ideas by thinking that if there were no risk taking traits by nature, we would rather conform to this social structure and stay passive. I was able to make my idea even strong with other people's opinion.

2014년 11월 2일 일요일

self evalution

1)1points
2)i think i was good at researching about my topic.
3)i could have made my topic and also my thesis more stronger. I think this is my big problem.
4)I am satisfyed with my conclusion
5)I think i was not good at my refutation and i think that's because of my thesis
6)I will make my thesis more strong and appropriate for the persuasive essay.